Out Of Mind
by Queen Hans
Summary: My name is Stiles. I have to write this down because if I don't, I might forget. And if I forget, I lose this battle.
1. Chapter 1

My name is Stiles. 

I have to write this down because if I don't, I might forget. I _probably_ will forget.

The only thing I know for certain anymore is that I've been forgetting everything.

It's like my memories are water and day by day they trickle out. Just little drips

at first. Now it's a steady stream.

And I want to remember. My friends. My dad.

Everything good and bad, embarassing, traumatic.

It makes me who I am. 

I am **STILES**. 

Scott . . .

Scott Mc . . . McHale?

That's not right.

McCall. Scott McCall is my best friend. I remember now. We've been friends for

as long as I can remember. Which actually could mean a matter of weeks for all

I know. But I'm pretty sure it's been years. There's this image in my mind of us with

squirt guns running around a kiddy-sized pool and his mom's there shouting at us

to be careful. And I slip and fall but Scott helps me up.

Scott _always_ helps me. Always saves me.

I don't know why he hasn't saved me yet.

But I trust that he will. 

L . . . . . L . . . .

Lydia is so beautiful. God, she's so beautiful. Every time I look at her, I wonder

how someone so perfect, so flawless could even exist. But of course, she has

flaws. Hell, she loved Jackson and I don't even know - stop. I won't. Mostly

because I can't remember why I don't like Jackson. But I also don't want to

put down Lydia. 

I've seen her cry. 

She was in her car and I can't . . . I'm not sure how to put into words how much

I wanted to take her hands and just _hold them_ but I couldn't. So I told her she

looked beautiful. Because she did, she always does. It didn't matter that her eyes

were puffy, or her skin blotchy. Even the little snot bubble that she didn't manage

to wipe away in time. She was amazing.

I kept a picture she drew of a tree. That damn tree was so important but . . .

Anyway, she doesn't know. I framed it. It's of _her_, something she created with

her own two hands and - she kissed me once. To calm me down.

Maybe she could kiss me now.

You know, Scott had a girlfriend. It was so weird how I felt about it. I wanted to

be happy for him because the dude deserved something for all the crap he

was dealing with. But I was jealous because there he was with Allison, so blissed

out, and Lydia didn't even know my name. Yet. 

But, yeah, Allison. She's a good friend, too, I think. I know her family is almost

insane. No. They handle things wrong. Her dad is a good guy. I never thought

he'd come around. She might not be with Scott anymore but I've never

resented her for it. Isaac . . . has issues. But if anyone can help put his pieces

back together, it's her. 

I fell asleep in class again today.

Or I thought I did.

. . . . Scott said I was awake. 

What's real? What if I'm asleep right now?

What's happening to me?

I'm afraid.

And tired.

Exhaustion. That's what I feel every single day. I don't want to sleep. 

If I sleep, I might not wake up.

If I sleep, I might not be me.

If I sleep, I


	2. Chapter 2

_Who am I_?

I want to scream that I am _Stiles_. Scrawny guy with great comebacks and

even better hair. I am _Stiles_. Whose mom gave him a mortifying first name

because my dad loved her too much to say no. _Stiles_. With friends that mean

more than the world to me.

_**Like who? Scott?**_

He's back.

That voice in my head that is _not_ me.

I know what he is now.

Nogistune.

I'm not whole. I guess I haven't been in a long, long time. But I never dreamed

that this would happen. I mean, a lot of crazy, insane crap happens to me. But

an evil fox spirit? That's a little much.

I - _we_ - only even know this because Scott happened to befriend the new girl.

Kira. Turns out she wasn't normal either.

I don't know if I hate this town or love it.

But, yeah. Kira. She and her mom have helped us understand what's happening

to me. Not that it's thrilling news. I wish I had known before I checked into

a rehab facility, thinking it would help. You know, I'd prefer the mental breakdown.

_**Weak.**_

No. I'm better now. My thoughts are clearer. We're _so close_ to a breakthrough.

We have to be. Now if this voice would shut the _hell_ up.

**I **_**can make you strong.**_

My pack makes me strong.

_**A pack of wild teenagers. You could be so much more, Stiles. Just let me take**_

_**control. Let me show you what true power is**_.

Hell freaking no.


End file.
